


august

by minjiyoo



Category: Dreamcatcher (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, Based on a Taylor Swift Song, Best Friends, F/F, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, singji, singji best ship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-16
Updated: 2021-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-25 12:14:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30088929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/minjiyoo/pseuds/minjiyoo
Summary: “Back when we were stillchanging for the betterWanting was enoughFor me, it was enough”— august, taylor swift
Relationships: Kim Minji | JiU/Lee Siyeon
Comments: 5
Kudos: 31
Collections: MILLION LITTLE STARS (A SINGJI COLLECTION)





	august

**Author's Note:**

> just another trash to add in the dump. i wrote this in the middle of work so don't expect much and i am still working hard, very very hard, on my skills and this is first chapter of probably a long-short angsty singji fic. idk sksk i will appreciate feedback and enjoy!

Siyeon feels a tiny bit lost. Well, she hasn't been feeling the best the past few days and she doesn't think she will be better for the following ones. Days pass by like blurry dreams and she can't keep track of it. Not that she's trying to. Somehow, it feels better to be lost in the sea of haziness because certainty scares her. 

Gripping her phone, a bit too tight that she can feel the slight sting on her palm, she reads the message on its screen. The words are glaring at her, accusatory. 

_"Are you avoiding me?"_

Siyeon can't say no even if she wants to (and she had intended to). She can't reason out even if she already has reasons prepared in her head. It's like she's stuck. As usual. The feeling is so familiar, and it leaves a burning in her chest. 

Letting out a sigh, she taps a quick "no", her thumb hovering over the send button. 

_Minji_ , for one, does not appreciate lies and weirdly, she has ways to figure out whenever Siyeon does just that. Perhaps it is with the familiarity. Perhaps Minji knows her more than she knows herself. Perhaps she has allowed Minji to see her in all her truth that she leaves no rooms for lies anymore. She really can't be sure. She will never be sure. 

She stares on the screen longer, a new set of messages appearing as if Minji knows her answer without her saying anything. 

_"Please, talk to me."_

_"I'm always here for you."_

_"I am your friend,_ _Siyeon_ _."_

Siyeon doesn't need the reminder. She has it tattooed at the back of her head that she hears it whenever she closes her eyes. Friend. She will always be a friend. _Only a friend_ . She grits her teeth and throws her phone aside. _What has she brought upon herself?_

* * *

Siyeon didn't think things could go worse yet it did. Minji stands in her doorstep, in the middle of the warm August air. Her cheeks are as red as the dress she has on, one that Siyeon gifted a few years ago. Sweat is running down the side of her face. Siyeon can only process enough thoughts before rushing to pull the taller girl inside her apartment. Minji is huffing as she sits on Siyeon's couch. 

"What are you doing here?" Siyeon asks and Minji looks up to her with a faint confusion. That was never a question before. Siyeon realizes that and she swallows an invisible lump in her throat. "You should have told me you're coming." 

"You were ignoring me." Minji says and Siyeon mentally winces. "Why?" 

It's obvious that Minji has no intention of dragging this out. Siyeon wets her lips. She runs a hand on her hair, pacing around. She is not ready for this conversation and not that she's trying to be ready. It's something she has long given up. It's not for her. Minji is not for her. 

"I wasn't." She answers back and Minji arches a brow. Of course, she can tell when she's lying. "Look-" Siyeon starts again, rethinking her words before she can even say them. There's a flurry in her head and she can only handle enough. She has managed to endure everything for this long. "-I don't know what you wanna hear from me." 

Minji furrows her brows. "The truth." 

Siyeon only bites her tongue. 

"Were you or were you not serious when you told me _that_ last week?" Siyeon hears the question again and it sounds like a broken record. She had answered this question so many times already. "I can tell when you lie, Siyeon." 

Siyeon only scowls. She can still remember everything from that night. The images are so vivid. The shock. The confusion. The horror? Siyeon can remember it all as though it just happened yesterday. 

* * *

_"You're so unfair."_ _Siyeon_ _sobs, pointing an accusative finger on Minji to spite her._

_Minji sits still, not completely understanding what's happening. A few bottles of beer are already downed on_ _Siyeon's_ _center table._ _Siyeon_ _is a mess, drunk. Minji is dizzy but she forces herself to function, looking at_ _Siyeon_ _with confusion etched in her head. "What are you talking about?"_

_Siyeon_ _sniffs. She stares at Minji for a good couple of seconds before scoffing_ _. "You have a stupid pretty face."_

_Minji can only blink. "You tell me that_ _every day_ _."_

_Siyeon_ _waves a hand. "Yeah. Yeah."_

_There's a moment of silence._ _Siyeon_ _only lies her head on the table, eyes shut. Minji watches her with utmost interest. She always thinks that_ _Siyeon_ _is adorable when drunk. The pink shade tinting her nose as if she just cried. She can live with this, in this. Minji shakes her head, and she stands up to clean the disaster that is_ _Siyeon's_ _department but before she can even proceed with it,_ _Siyeon_ _mumbles something under her breath. She chooses to ignore it, but she figures out_ _Siyeon_ _is_ _actually crying_ _. She moves forward, heart clenching painfully just by the thought of_ _Siyeon_ _in tears. She kneels before the not-so-sober girl._ _Siyeon_ _opens her eyes briefly to look at her, tears running down her face._ _Siyeon_ _frowns, sadly._

_"I like you so much, but you only see me as a friend."_

_Minji inhales sharply._

_"I love you so much."_

* * *

"We've talked about this for so many times already." Siyeon feigns irritation to try get herself out of the confrontation. 

"So many times, without you telling the truth." 

"And how do you know that?" Siyeon challenges. 

Minji's features soften. "I know you like the back of my hand." 

Siyeon has hated the way things had turned out. She can see everything spiraling down before her. She figures out that there is no way out of it. It’s all or nothing. She feels anger bubbling up in her head and all the pent-up frustrations bursts before she can even stop it. There’s storm somewhere in her that not even a deep inhale could calm. 

“So, what if it is?” She asks, voice cracking along with the rest of her resolve. Her eyes sting and she can feel her tears threatening to spill. 

Minji doesn’t say anything. Minji regards her in a way that leaves a tingling pain in her chest, so much of what Siyeon refuses to believe. 

Siyeon frantically runs her hands on her hair. “I-” And she can no longer recognize her voice. “Let us just forget it, Minji.” The sincerity in her voice surprises her. A plea. “I can’t lose you.” The words leave her mouth before she can even think things through and although it is more of a reassurance to herself, Minji smiles at her. There are wrinkles on the sides of her eyes that Siyeon doesn’t remember. 

“We can try.” Minji says. 

Siyeon stills. She feels time freezing. “Try what?” She feels ridiculed. “Do you see this as a joke?” 

“No.” Minji quickly answers. “I don’t, at all.” 

Siyeon wishes that she can read Minji the way Minji can read her. 

“Don’t do this to me.” Siyeon says and she knows she’s already giving too much of herself more than she would allow herself to. “Please.” 

Minji has always been her sanctuary. Minji is a game she has never thought of winning. Minji has always been a distant dream. It’s hard but Siyeon has managed to deal with the fact that Minji’s stars will never align with her stars. At least not in a way she wants them too. She has told herself, convinced herself, that this is the end. She’s past the point of yearning for the only woman she has ever loved. Probably the only person she will ever love.

  
That’s a lie. Minji knows that.

  
“I want to try it, Siyeon.” Minji says. “I want to try it with you.” Minji’s voice softens and Siyeon’s chest ache, letting go of the tears she didn’t know she was holding. “I… I don’t know what I’m doing, really.” Minji laughs bitterly. “I’ve always known that you treat me differently but I was so sure that it’s because we are best friends. We still are, right?”

  
Siyeon doesn’t know what to answer to that. She knows it would take more than just an unrequited love to have Minji taken away from her, as a friend, that is. “Yeah.”

  
Minji lets out a sigh of relief and only then does Siyeon notice the way her fingers tremble as they skim the hem the edge of her dress. Minji frowns. It looks like she’s dealing with her own storm and Siyeon wants to calm her, like she always has.

  
She steps forward. Anxious. Nervous. And she sits beside Minji, arm quick to pull the taller girl closer. Minji inhales shakily and she turns to look at Siyeon, eyes glassy. “I can’t lose you too, please. Let me try. Let us try.”

  
Minji is probably selfish for asking that and Siyeon is perhaps a masochist for agreeing to that. Siyeon has prepared herself for the worst but if an impending pain is the only way to let the what ifs fade, then she will take the risk.

  
August has just started and Siyeon can feel its heat touching her skin but nothing beats the warmth of Minji’s arms wrapped around her, her chest pressed against hers. Minji refuses to let her go, pleading for her to hold just as tightly.

  
Siyeon can settle with this. She’ll settle with this. 

**Author's Note:**

> i'm @minjiyoo on twitter <3


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